The Wolstanton Quarterly World Wide Website Late Late January 2005 Edition
The Wolstanton Online Periodical World Wide Website is best viewed 800X600 using your eyes.
WARNING! Occasionally items are not entirely true.
Posted 22/03/2005.
www.nhs.uk/ People can chubb all they like about waiting lists. When you really need them they're always there.
Tommy Vance.
Unaided by drugs or alcohol, Tommy Vance (DJ and VJ) passed away last week. Never again will we have "TV on the Radio" R.I.P. Tommy
Dave Allen
Dave Allen the Comedian, famous for drinking and smoking during his act, shuffled off last week. Sorry Dave, you can't have the top slot when TV died the same week (ish).
The British public have dug deeper than ever before. The appeal for cash to help victims of the tsunami in Aisa has raised the biggest ammount ever from Britain. Several hundred million English pounds have been raised so far (excluding government donations). President Blair has promised six or seven times that in the long term.
12/01/05
Following the recent high winds, which have claimed several lives up north, Wolstanton Marsh now has one mature tree less. One of its larger branches fell off in the gales so the Council (probably in fear of litigation) chopped it down to a height fo three inches. "You could easily trip over that stump" said a passer by, "and I'd never walked into that tree in all my 43 years. It's flippin' dangerous if you ask me!".
Following the recent high winds power lines across Wales wer damaged by falling trees. One such incident was attended by Mark (Steve Jones' brother-in-law).
The scene is like this:
A tree has fallen onto power lines but not broken them. They assess the situation and decide they need a cherry picker to access the tree in order to cut it down. It's four in the afternoon and the light is failing. The next morning they arrive armed with a cherry picker and get to work. Chainsaw in hand, a worker is raised in the basket to cut the resting tree. A cut is then made through the trunk. At this point the top half of the tree with all its branches is expected to fall one side or other of the lines. Not So! Boooiiiinnnnnngggg! The lines behaved exactly like a catapult and launched the half tree over the chainsaw operative's head and landed twenty feet the other side of him. He was fine after a quick change of underwear.
Jeff Henson was robbed at knife-point whilst piloting a First PMT bus. "'Ere 'ave it" said Jeff to the hooded attacker supporting a false Scouse accent. The hooded menace got away with thiry five English pounds but left behind a good description given by some Poles travelling on the bus. Obviously, when they get home they will tell all their freinds and family what a nice peaceful place England really is. Makes you proud, doesn't it?
24/1/2005
Whilst walking to a garage to replace his car, written off the previous week, brother-of-the-editor (Dave to those who know him) was run over by an almost in control not drunk driver who may have very nearly been speeding. Dave suffered a broken skull some internal leakage of fluid inside his head. Two months later (now), following a miraculous recovery, he has returned to work with most of his sight back and only a small headache.
A quick glance along May Bank, No pedestians in sight. "I'll race you to the shops" said the Editor to his small boy-child and off they ran. The boy took the left side of the pavement and Ed took the right. The boy edged ahead when WHALLOP! A lady, who forgot to use her eyes, opened her car door with the pointy end directly in Ed's chest. Ed fell to the floor in much pain unable to breath. "OOH I'm sorry!" said the lady. Not as sorry as me thought Ed! After some time Ed regained his composure and continued to the shop, race cancelled. Now, several weeks later, I can actually lie on my front again without too much discomfort.
Two good things have come out of this. 1, She will check the mirror before opening her car door and 2,when she does she won't see me running by so close.
Asia, Barclay + James Harvest + Dare, The Wullfrun 16/3/2005
Dare came on an were OKish folkie type band.
BJH followed and were a bit disappointing.
Then Asia came on. Within a second the entire crowd was pinned to the back wall by the volume! Flippin' Eck!!! That Downes bloke even did a keyboard only rendition of Video Killed The Radio Star in his solo middle section.
Disaster has struck. Jeff Cooke, top guitar player, has left the band to make his fortune with the Ian Alcock musicians consortium (three bands with the same members). Good luck Jeff.
Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle. The frog hopped into the Princess' lap and said: "Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome Prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young Prince that I am and then, my sweet, we can marry and setup housekeeping in yon castle with my Mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so."
That night, on a repast of lightly sautied frogs legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled to herself and said, "I don't think so."
Footie:
Stoke:
Currently 11th in the championship having srtung a few wins and draws together
Crewe:
Currently 16th in the championship only 4 points above the "Drop Zone".
Vale:
Currently 16th in League 1. 10 points above the "Drop Zone".
Leeds:
Currently 12th in the championship behind Stoke having played one more game.
Rugby:
Six Nations:
Wales got the grand slam. England (World Cup holders) didn't. Nuff said.
Winter has finally gone. Hurrah!!!
Queues are forcast for Easter, just when we have visitors.
Click Here to unsubscribe. I'll apologise for this one now.
Circulation 10