Welcome to: The Wolstanton When-eveverly 2013 Festive Edition!! The Wolstanton Online Periodical World Wide Website is best viewed using your eyes. WARNING! Occasionally items are not entirely true. But then there's nothing stranger than the truth. Posted 31/12/2013 "Where are Andy Murray's balls?" Exclaimed a reader. No trees were harmed in the production of The Wolstanton Periodical, although a large number of electrons were inconvenienced.

TOP CELEBRITY DEATHS 23/12/2013 Mikhail Kalashnikov Designer of the world's most famous assault rifle died aged 94 21/12/2013 David Coleman: Former BBC sports broadcaster dies at 87. 18/12/2013 Ronnie Biggs Celebrity thug gone at last. 14/12/2013 Peter O'Toole 05/12/2013 Nelson Mandella Desevres an entire edition of his own really. Few people will make that much difference in only one lifetime. 10/11/2013 Stan Duncalf, former electrician with Drayton Kilns. Anyone who knew Stan will agree, you couldn't wish to meet a nicer bloke. Stan's Obitury in the Sentnull 30/11/2013 Lewis Collins Better known as Bodie. Tough guy defeated by cancer. 27/10/2013 Lou Reed Takin' a walk on the dead side.

CHRISTMAS CRACKERS We pay money for Crackers evey year and groan at the jokes. Here are some to forget before next year: Is this the best Cracker Gift Ever? I think so! (WARNING: This may not be actual size.)

LOST AND FOUND Lost: End of XL125 Gear Lever ...in a deep rut about here If anyone finds it, please don't hand it in to your local police station - I'd end up with a conviction for littering.

NEW YEAR HONOURS LIST Dame Penelope Keith, for being a posh bird. Sir Bradley Wiggins, for cycling quickly. Sandi Toksvig OBE, for being funny (and gay). ..... and many more. For the first time ever more women than men.

FESTIVE CLASS SURVEY I like to think I have more in common with people who get their hands dirty. There's a question we all need the answer to. "Am I working class?" Answer this simple qestionaire to find out: Q. Is your TV bigger than your bookcase? A. Yes ...... You are working class.

GIG PREVIEW Sinpusher live at the Hollybush, Northwood. 3rd Jan 2013 Be there ...... or be somewhere else! Keep up to date at www.sinpusher.co.uk

JOKE OF THE SEASON I've joined a reggae playing triangle. It's really easy, all ah do stand in di background an' ting.

ANGRYSTARS NEWS I've tinkered with www.angrysongs.co.uk. Jeff Cooke's blistering guitar solo on Hot Love is there for all the world to hear. (Jeff wishes to remain nameless, of course) Watch this space. We WILL be recording again VERY SOON.........

WOP Statistics Circulation 19 (or thereabouts)

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