Welcome to: The Wolstanton When-ever-ly World Wide Website Christmas 2009 Edition!! "Happy Christmas to all our readers!!" exclaimed the editor. The Wolstanton Online Periodical World Wide Website is best viewed using your eyes. WARNING! Occasionally items are not entirely true. But then there's nothing stranger than the truth. Posted 23/12/2009

Welcome new readers: Two new readers in one edition, a new world record. Obviously identities will be kept secret under the Data Protection Act. Mark, who shall remain nameless, recently showed far too much enthusiasm and becomes the first officially numbered reader. He is number 17. If that doesn't protect his identity I don't know what will! Jeff, an un-named guitarist, recently emigrated to Australia. He'll really have to turn his axe up now if we are to hear him play again. Good luck in your new life down under. He didn't ask me for this but he's getting it anyway.

The Scottish Advent Calendar:

Top Celebrity Death Celebrities have, once again, been piling up in the Wolstanton office waiting for a mention. 26/6/2009 Whacko Jacko Let's get him out of the way. Am I the only person who wishes he would go quietly? I don't give a flying fig who the father of his children is/are. On the morning new broke of MJ's death I knew the mobile would light up with jokes. I was not disappointed, 14 in all and no doubles! 25/7/2009 Harry Patch Harry was the last surviving Tommy of the First World War. A thoroughly decent proper hero. Made it to age 111, unlike a large number of his mates. He recently described war as "organised murder". RIP Harry. 31/7/2009 Sir Bobby Robson At only 76 Bobby was still in his prime compared to other TCD's this month. One of a long list of England managers not to win a trophy, he did come close though getting to the 1990 World Cup Semi-final. 13/8/2009 Les Paul Guitar fans across the world have Les Paul to thank for the .... er.... Les Paul. The pioneer of electric guitar made it to age 94 before shuffling off, no doubt with the volume knob set to 11. Les is probably responsible for rock 'n' roll as we know it. Here's Les Paul with his Les Paul: Here's someone else with a Les Paul: 15/09/2009 Patrick Swayzie. Dirty dancer. 15/09/2009 Keith Floyd. Finest celebrity chef ever. Famed for his wine tasting style. 16/11/2009 Edward Woodward died aged 79. The actor was well known for having one of the woodiest names in show business.

SWINE FLU..... .... has not killed everybody. It's been through our house and no-one died.

04/11/2009 Happy Birthday Wallace and Grommit, 20 years old today.

WEBSITE OF THE PERIOD..... .... has to go to David Bowie. The Thin White Duke is to appear in an episode of Sponge Bob Square Pants! www.davidbowie.com/

15/11/2009 X-Factor moment. The week was "Queen Week". All of the lousy kari-o-ki kids had to sing a Queen song. They were largely rubbish. On Sunday's show they all did a version of Bohemiam Rhapsody together with the aid of a choir (who CAN sing). Just as they were getting to the rocky bit the set parted revealing Brian May and Roger Taylor with instruments. Then it happened, the kids shut up and let Brian and Roger show them exactly what REAL stars do! This was truely the best X-Factor moment ever. Then the tossers ruined it by singing again. 23/12/2009 X-Factor update Following a Facebook campaign, X-Factor winner Joe has been beaten to the Christmas number one spot by Rage Against The Machine. People were persuaded to protest against the bland kari-o-ki people by all downloading the same obscure tune and it worked! Proceeds from the sales are going to charity. Sadly, ITV made millions in advertising revenue so crap-factor is set to return next year probably running the same format.

Some gigs I've seen recently: Gutter Brothers. The Gutter Brothers Toured the UK in 2009. Sadly Dennis Johnson died Dec 24th 2002 after being ill for some time. The remaining members now have less hair but no less talent. Newton Faulkner gig review Proving Ginger people can entertain too! Walter Trout Gig Review Blues at 100mph. This was his 20th anniversary tour. That means I've missed him 19 times already. The keyboard player had a Hammond and Leslie speakers, who could ask for more? 18/11/2009 Steve Hackett No guitar style was left unplayed. Brilliant! Joanne Shaw Taylor I've never seen a queue for CD's after a gig as long as this one. She even signed one for me.

Terry's Gone. After 27 years Terry Wogan has finally given upo the breakfast show on Radio 2. The Ginger Twit will be taking over in the New Year. Here's a sample of my favourite feature. Janet and John. Get yourself the CDs at www.charitygoods.co.uk/. Don't do it because it's for charity, do it because you'll pee yourself laughing!

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