The Wolstanton Quarterly World Wide Website Easter 2006 Edition!!
"Lovely Easter Colour!" exclaimed a reader.
The Wolstanton Online Periodical World Wide Website is best viewed 800X600 using your eyes.
WARNING! Occasionally items are not entirely true.
Posted 16/04/2006.
Broadband special - Google Earth Download the 12 meg file, install the software, select Local search/current view, pop in your post code and look at your own roof! It's fantastic!!!!
Dean Appleby died following a stroke 6/2/2006. Dean may not be well known but was a local celebrity to many folks in the Newcastle drinking community. He was my age and an all round good guy. RIP Dean. 20/02/06 I attended Dean's funeral. It turns out not all of him is dead. Eight people have benifited from transplants.
10/02/06 Freddie Laker. Low cost airlines were Freddie's idea Cheers Freddie!
Ron Greenwood former England manager died aged 84. Ron is one of a long list of England managers who didn't win anything.
Peter Osgood aged only 59, 1/3/2006. Chelsea must have worn him out. It's been a while since we chanted "Osgood, was good, now he's no-good" on the terrances at The Victoria Ground. Sorry Peter!
Gene Pitney They say a coffin made of oak would have taken three weeks to make. However, it would only take 24 hours from balsa.
Updated: 10:37, Sunday February 26, 2006 from Sky News
England captain David Beckham has admitted that he finds six-year-old son Brooklyn's homework too tough to tackle.
In an interview for the Mail On Sunday's Live magazine, he said he has to turn to wife Victoria for help with Brooklyn's maths.
"Their homework is so hard these days," said the soccer star.
"It's done totally differently to what I was teached when I was at school."
He said that when Brooklyn turned to him for help recently, "I was like, 'Oh my God, I can't do this'".
Brooklyn, who will be seven next month, attends the exclusive £12,000-a-term British school Runnymede College in Madrid.
Children are only admitted after passing an IQ test and the school prides itself on stretching its pupils.
Beckham also admitted that he did not have a pre-match "lucky" routine - because he would not be able to remember it.
Key-stage tests include questions such as subtracting 11 from 50.
Another typical homework question for his age group is working out the change from 50p after buying a pencil costing 24p and an eraser priced at 7p.
Beckham's intellectual prowess has been ridiculed by the Press for years.
Rich Sutherland has had his reversal operation and all is going well. Well done Rich! Keep up the good work.
You're in a shoe shop, second in the queue for the counter. Behind the shop assistant on the till is a pair of shoes which you have seen and which you must have. The female shopper in front of you has seen them also and is eyeing them with desire. Both of you have forgotten your purses. It would be totally rude to push in front of the first woman if you had no money to pay for the shoes. The shop assistant remains at the counter waiting. Your friend is trying on another pair of shoes at the back of the shop and sees your dilemma. She prepares to throw her purse to you. If she does so, you can catch the purse, then walk round the other shopper and buy the shoes. At a pinch she could throw the purse ahead of the other shopper and, whilst it is in flight you could nip around the other shopper, catch the purse and buy the shoes. Always remembering that until the purse had actually been thrown it would be plain wrong to be forward of the other shopper.(This would be offside)
Would you believe it? The only place a n g r y s t a r s have played recently has closed. Well blow me down.
If you send a text message to a land line it will be read out by the computerised voice of Tom Baker. Tom keeps texting himself because he finds it so reassuring to hear the messages read out by his own voice.
The present Mrs. Pointon was completely at her wits end when Lizzie came out with the following skipping rhyme. Obviously you need to apply the Stoke accent or it doesn't actually rhyme.
Cinderella,
Dressed in yellow,
Went downstairs and met a fellah,
.............
There's a house in Milehouse Lane recently renovated and changed hands. The new occupants are the proud owners of a soft top Beetle (new style). They've painted the house to match the car!
..................or is the envelope for the income tax payment actually the worst tasting thing in the world.
By special request, see if you can work out the secret message in this anagram:
ehT rotidE si a yllaer ecin .nam
(I'm sure I've seen that on a Welsh road sign!)
(Answer at the foot of the page)
Q) Why were the little strawberries upset?
A) Because their parents were in a jam!
Grooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!
I got a new tape measure recently. The Editor ALWAYS follows instructions.
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Like you'd be interested.
Footy:
Stoke: Set for a less than thrilling mid table finish in what old people call the second division
Crewe: Set for relegation to join Vale in what old people call the third division.
Vale: Robbie Williams has finally heard the call of the Vale Fans. He now owns 20% of the shares. They are set for a less than thrilling mid table finish in what old people call the third division
Jolly nice for the time of year! Winter was 'orrible though.
Good idea! Let's all go somewhere.
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Circulation 14
Some of Newcastle's outstanding landmarks in pictures.