The Wolstanton Monthly World Wide Website
The Wolstanton Monthly World Wide Website is best viewed 800X600 using your eyes.
WARNING! Occasionally items are not entirely true.
Posted 05/09/04.
www.stoke.gov.uk/ Go and visit the Council website. You can get really useful information there like when the tip is open.
Singer Laura Branigan dies at 47
US pop star Laura Branigan, who enjoyed hits with the songs Gloria and Self Control in the early 1980s, has died of a brain aneurysm in her sleep aged 47.
Move singer Carl Wayne dies at 61
Carl Wayne, the lead singer of influential 1960s pop group the Move, has died at the age of 61. He had hits with songs such as Flowers in the Rain - the first song to be played on BBC Radio 1 when it began in 1967 - and I Can Hear the Grass Grow.
TOP STORY:
Mrs. Pointon Toenails Fall Off!
05/09/04
Mrs. Pointon, who famously finished the Cheshire Bigfoot Challenge recently, is now loosing her toenails. They won't be featured in picture of the week unless you really want to see them. Her final Bigfoot total was nine hundred and fifty five English pounds
Be Careful.....
... when cutting up your old VISA card. I did mine today......only it was the new one NOT the old one..... oops!
Still doesn't seem very peaceful to me!
This is my kind of recipe!
Ever wondered what to do with 40lb of damsons? Follow this simple recipe.
1, Put 8oz of fruit in a litre bottling jar
2, Pour in Vodka to the top
3, Seal and leave in the dark for two weeks (or until Christmas for more flavour)
4, Strain out fruit and pour into clean bottle.
5, Drink and fall over.
If you prefer it sweet (I do) add sugar, up to equal amounts of fruit and sugar. Fill bottle with mixed fruit and sugar to half way. With sugar added you will need to turn the bottle occasionally.
Another alternative is to use Gin instead of Vodka
If you really did have 40lb of damsons you could do a variety of different drinks.
The Genius of Peter Kay...
1) I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said,Thyroid problem?
2) When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.
3) My mom was a ventriloquist and she always was throwing her voice. For ten years I thought the dog was telling me to kill my father.
4) I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming.
5) I was doing some decorating, so I got out my step-ladder. I don't get on with my real ladder.
6) I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
7) Well I was bullied at school, called all kinds of different names. But one day I turned to my bullies and said - 'Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me', and it worked! From there on it was sticks and stones all the way.
8) My Dad used to say 'always fight fire with fire', which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.
9) Sex is like a game of bridge: If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
10) I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, Six should be enough.'
11) If we aren't supposed to eat animals, then why are they made out of meat?
12) I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.
13) You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither.
AngryNews:
Two tracks are just about complete. We really should book a gig soon. www.angrysongs.co.uk
"Waiting For A Pay Rise."
Footy:
14/08/04
The Coca-Cola Football League Championship
Nottm Forest (1)2 - 2(2) Crewe
Rotherham Utd (0)1 - 1(0) Stoke City
Coca-Cola Football League One
Port Vale (1)3 - 2(1) Hull City
10/08/04
The Coca-Cola Football League Championship
Sunderland 3 - 1 Crewe
Sheff Utd 0 - 0 Stoke City
Coca-Cola Football League One
Port Vale 3 - 2 Milton Keynes
21/08/04
The Coca-Cola Football League Championship
Stoke 2-0 Gillingham
Crewe 2-3 West Ham
Coca-Cola Football League One
Wrexham 1-1 Port Vale
28/08/04 The Coca-Cola Football League Championship
Cardiff City (0)0 - 1(1) Stoke City
Derby County (1)2 - 4(2) Crewe
Coca-Cola Football League One
Port Vale (2)3 - 0(0) Bristol City
30/08/04
Stoke 1 0 Derby County. Stoke score in injury time.
31/08/04
Chesterfield 1 - 0 Port Vale
04/09/04 World Cup Qualifier
Austria 2-2 England. England press the "Self Destruct Button" after gaining a two goal lead.
Coca-Cola Football League One
Bradford City 0 - 2 Port Vale
August was the wettest month ever on record. Ask the population of Boscastle, where 80 cars were washed off a car park in flash flooding.
I have purloined a plan of the goings on with the D Road. If you all behave I might just show it to you.
Yoo Hoo!.
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