The Wolstanton Weekly World Wide Website
Boring Norway Edition!!
The Wolstanton Weekly World Wide Website is best viewed 800X600 using your eyes.
WARNING! Occasionally items are not entirely true.
www.handball.no in honour of the Larvik Ladies.
You won't understand a word of it but what do I care.
Some interesting facts about Norway:
1, Currency is the Kroena.
2, Population is 4.5 million.
3, Moose signs can be seen everywhere at the roadside.
4, It's quite common to shoot something big and then eat it.
5, It's snowy here.
6, The road network must have cost a fortune to build. Building roads seems to involve removing lots of solid rock.
7, A basic meal for two with soft drinks can be as cheap as 41.00 English Pounds.
8, A bottle of Budweiser can be had for only 5.54 English Pounds
9, The temperature remains at minus something at this time of year.
10, Everywhere looks like a picture postcard, only darker.
11, Fawlty Towers is still funny with Norwegian subtitles.
12, Income tax is 38 percent.
13, Road tax is the equivalent of 240 English pounds per car.
14, English football features on TV and in the papers
Day 1: Flew from Manchester to Copenhagen. Landed on a clear day. Coastline is nothing short of spectacular. The short hop to Sandefjord airport was on a 37 seater with propellers. We shared the flight with the Larvik ladies handball team, the finest team in Norway (So they said). The team averaged about 6 feet tall and had just thrashed some other team in the Champions League. We meet André at the airport. He will be looking after us during our stay. The drive to the Hotel was interesting. The E18 frequently disappears into a tunnel carved out of solid rock. As we drive we pass through a town called Helle (pronounced Hell). By the time I get home I will have been to Helle and back.
Day 2: Went to the factory. It's the cleanest I've ever seen bar none. Seats used in the summer on the roof are covered in snow. We make snowballs and target lampposts and bins. Next to the factory is wilderness. The wilderness is full of Moose, Deer, Wolves, Sheep and Bears. I am forced to wear an uncomfortable thing to cover my beard. I shave it off! My face is much older than last time I saw it.
Day3: André arrives at the Hotel to pick us up. We go outside to find the car in the street with the doors open and the engine running to warm it up and no-one nicked it. This is quite normal here. The sun came out so I took some pictures. Quickly. For dinner I ate one of Rudolph's cousins. It was delicious! The waitress told us that English men who stop there normally drink a lot. We had to confess our not-so-generous employer won't stretch to a pint. I reckon she thought we were shandy drinking puffs. You could tell by the look in her eye.
Day 4: The town we are staying in is called Kragerĝ. It is a charming place with narrow winding streets in the centre of town. Today, however, the people of Kragerĝ have sunk in my estimation. They voted to close their own railway link in favour of a new road!!! Disgraceful! So in 1989 the railway closed and now in 2004 work has finally started on the new road. Apparently you can see the northern lights here at this time of year. Unfortunately, you can't when it's cloudy. You can guess what my luck will bring. We went skiing after work. Never before have I felt so utterly out of control. By the end of the session I had made a few turns without falling over. I had borrowed a ski suit and I was sweating buckets. I ended up with only a tee shirt under the suit. After skiing we ate a buffet at a Hotel by the slope. I can now add catfish, reindeer and ox to my list of animals I've eaten.
Day 5 Saturday: I ache from my so-called skiing yesterday. Tonight we are off to Mar's house for a curry. This will be the first alcohol consumed on the trip. A fine cocktail of curry and drinks leaves us sliding down to the hotel at about two thirty in the morning. It's raining and very slippy under foot. We get back to the hotel and I check the teletext. Stoke and Crewe have won and Vale have lost. Yessssssssssssss! Now not only have we been to Helle and back but we've been to Mar's too! (groan).
Day 6, Sunday: It's raining. The promised half metre of snow hasn't arrived. In the daylight the scenery isn't as spectacular as expected. Quite a few houses look like they need a coat of paint. Melting snow is as disappointing here as at home. Evening comes and the Hotel restaurant is closed. Why? BECAUSE IT IS!!!
Day 7: It went cold overnight so there was a ice everywhere. As we left the Hotel for work André said "be careful it's shlippy". Phil had his mind on other things. Before he could say "Wha....." he had fallen backwards and was sliding down the steps with all the grace of an upside-down turtle. Fortunately, the laptop he was carrying broke his fall absorbing the impact well. Even more fortunately, it still worked afterwards! So the "1 metre to concrete with a 80kg load" test may be accepted as a British Standard for laptops soon. Phil will now be endorsing Sony body armour.
I lost track of the days after this. On the last night we went out "for some beers" with André and another bloke from the factory called Johnny. Neither of them drank anything because they were both driving the next day. Drink drive laws mean you can't touch a drop if you're driving. No one can say "I can handle it" or "I drive better after a couple of beers". There is no grey area. We drank some cheap beer which was only about five English pounds for half a litre. I couldn't stretch to Guinness at six pounds for a pint. Next day we're coming home and I'm ready for it. Collect presents for the kids on the way through Duty Free. Touchdown at Manchester is the roughest landing I've ever had bar none but welcome never-the-less. England is still a grey, damp place but it's home.
If that didn't send you to sleep nothing will!!!
"The Viewpoint" above Kragerĝ
Circulation 7