The Wolstanton Weekly World Wide Website
The Wolstanton Weekly World Wide Website is best viewed 800X600 using your eyes.
WARNING! Occasionally items are not entirely true.
Posted 02/04/04.
www.elenasmodels.com Get your Russian wife here.
TOP STORY:
Real Murder in Newcastle:
Ray Mo, owner of the Arch Chinese restaurant, was found dead with multiple stab wounds in his back. Police are treating the case as suspicious. A man has since been taken into custody. Someone must have told them who it was.
Top Celebrity Death:
A real corker this week. Peter Eustinov shuffled off quietly. He will be sadly missed by all the luvvies of this world.
BREAKING NEWS:
French Terror Alert:
French Upgrade Terror Alert
In light of the Madrid bombing, France has raised its terror alert level from 'run' to 'hide.'
The only two higher levels in France are 'surrender' and 'collaborate.'
Thanks for the contribution Dunc - Ed
Top Programmer Off To Russia:
Top Programmer and Editor of Wolstanton Weekly is off to Russia for 12 days to help commission a crisp packaging plant. "Russia needs crisps!" said the head of a multi-national-crisp-machinery company earlier today.
Pink Floyd
The three remaining members of Pink Floyd get in a car wreck and all three die. They are standing in front of the Pearly Gates when St. Peter comes up and says, ''Oh, Hi guys! We've been expecting you. Your really going to love it here, this is a great place and did you know that we even have our own band? We have Elvis Presley singing, Hendrix is playing guitar, Sinatra is on piano and Roger Waters, your old bandmate, is writing lyrics for us!'' David Gilmour replies, ''Roger is here? When did he die?''
St. Peter leans over and whispers in his ear. ''It's really God, but he thinks he's Roger Waters!''
AngryNews:
2nd Angrystars get together went even better than the first!! Watch this space.
"Birthday Card"
Footy:
Mid-week special:
30/03/04
Port Vale 3-3 Swindon. Vale blew a three goal lead.
31/03/04
Sweden 1-0 England. Sven let them win. You can understand that can't you?
Five day forcast for Moscow says it's going to be cold.
The D road landscape changes daily. I can't work out where it's all going yet.
Dear Editor,
I feel I must write in response to a letter printed in the 28/3/04 edition of the Wolly Weekly.
Firstly, Mr. Angry of Sugnall suggests that HE is cleaning the lounge on a Saturday morning, this, of course, is woman’s work and therefore I doubt that there is any credibility to his story whatsoever. Secondly, if he believes that the mutual aquaintance actually was getting covered in the rather tasteless gunge he describes, may I remind him and other readers that a TV personality of my standing would actually be loafing in my trailer watching my stand-in take all of the flak - and a particularly good likeness he was!!
Mr. Maddock has obviously not negotiated this contract and so was forced to wear a strange pair of spectacles as a rather 'thin' disguise.
Yours,
Mr. Rob (shortly to be OBE) Handley (or maybe just shortly......).
(With the permission of the BBC and via my agent). Sound like fighting talk! - Ed.
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