The Wolstanton Weekly World Wide Website
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WARNING! Occasionally items are not entirely true.
Posted 28/03/04.
www.nationalrail.co.uk/realtime/ OK Train buffs, this one's for you. Check out the arrivals and departures at your favourite station. Particularly handy if you're meeting someone at the station.
From Radio 2:
Terry Wogan is planning to release some rap records under the name "Duff Paddy".
The Dick and Dom show goes on. This week Rob got more camera shots. The present Mrs. Pointon thinks Rob's wig looks like a prostitutes wig. The kids think Paul has the worst wig.
Baths Ban 'Dangerous' Backstroke:
Swimmers at a council-run pool have been barred from doing backstroke at busy times - because it is considered to be too dangerous. Daisyfield Swimming Pool in Blackburn is understood to be one of the first in the country to introduce such a move.
It is hoped the ruling will prevent any legal action against the council if a swimmer collides with someone.
Last year, a water polo team was banned from practising at the venue because of the fear that stray balls were a danger to the players.
Minister Stays Out Of Soup Row:
Dr Hope is suspended on full pay. The government will not intervene in the case of a surgeon reportedly suspended in a row about soup. Junior health minister Lord Warner said it was a matter for the doctor's employer, the health trust, after the issue was raised by Lady Knight.
Terrence Hope was sent home from Queen's Medical Centre in Nottingham on full pay last week.
Dr Hope is alleged to have taken an extra helping of soup and croutons and not paid, according to the Daily Mail.
Hospital officials have confirmed Dr Hope is being investigated, but would not comment further.
A spokeswoman for the University Hospital NHS Trust said: "A consultant was suspended on Wednesday following an alleged incident at the hospital which did not relate to any patient or another member of staff.
"The matter will now be discussed as soon as possible with the consultant involved. In the meantime the trust is not prepared to talk any further."
She said that it is not yet known when the hospital will meet Mr Hope to discuss the issue.
WW Comment - Sack 'im!
Business News: Doulton to Shut Last Factory in Stoke:
After years of bad management, Royal Doulton bosses have the nerve to blame the government for their decision to close the last factory in Stoke with the loss of 525 jobs. They say their responsibility is to the shareholders. I'm sure the potters who have dedicated their working lives to Doulton over the last 180 years may disagree.
Traffic at standstill for Star Bikers Egg Run:
For the first time in years, I went on the Egg Run. It's mostly just like it used to be but the Police run it these days. One difference I notice (from 10 years ago) is at every corner there is someone with a video camera.
Things I noticed on the Run:
1, The Golden Torch Scooter club were out in force.
2, Best slogan award has to go to a classic, metal side paneled scooter (don't ask me the type). It reads "Twat out of Chell!".
3, I counted about 6 modern Jap bikes with their coolant spat out. These may be the same people who rev them up a lot at the start to be sure the engine is warm enough.
4, I only saw one BSA Bantam. It was mint.
5, Mine was by far the dirtiest bike there.
More of the same. Rocket attacks in Iraq and the press continually having a pop at Bush and Blair.
5 reasons why computers must be female:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
2. Even your smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory for future reference.
3. The native language used to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
4. The message, "Bad command or filename," is about as informative as "If you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to tell you."
5. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
And for the Girls:
Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
They won't stop to ask directions.
What do men and sperm have in common?
They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.
How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer.
How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?
Both of them.
Why did the man cross the road?
He heard the chicken was a slut.
Why don't women blink during foreplay?
They don't have time.
What is the difference between men and government bonds?
The bonds mature.
Why are blonde jokes so short?
So men can remember them.
How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
We don't know; it has never happened.
Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
They all already have boyfriends.
What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A widow.
When do you care for a man's company?
When he owns it.
What are a woman's four favorite animals?
A mink in the closet, a Jaguar in the garage, a tiger in the bedroom, and an ass to pay for it all.
Why are married women heavier than single women?
Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
Put the remote control between his toes.
What did God say after creating man?
"I must be able to do better than that."
What did God say after creating Eve?
"Practice makes perfect."
How are men and parking spots alike?
Good ones are always taken. Free ones are mostly handicapped or extremely small.
What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?
They're married.
Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?"
God says: "So you would love her."
"But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?"
God says: "So she would love you."
Band:
Would you believe it? Nothing happened yet again!
Band2:
Angrystars style jam went very well. Watch this space!!
"Weather"
Footy:
Mid-week special:
23/03/04
Crewe 2-0 Stoke. Despite 22 shots at goal, Stoke failed to score. It's nice to know there are still some teams willing to help their neighbours avoid the relegation zone.
27/03/04
Norwich 1-0 Stoke. Doom and gloom.
Nottm Forest 2-0 Crewe. Gloom and Doom.
Port Vale 2-1 Bristol City. Vale are knocking on the door of the play-offs. They could be playing Leeds in the league next season.
Six Nations:
France 24-21 England
France got the grand slam despite Englands 2nd half come-back.
Formula 1:
A good week this week. There was no race!
WSB 28/03/04:
Phillip Island results:
Race one: 1, Regis Laconi, France, Ducati, 35 minutes, 4.598 seconds.
2, Chris Vermeulen, Australia, Honda, 35:11.743.
3, James Toseland, Britain, Ducati, 35:12.134.
4, Steve Martin, Australia, Ducati, 35:12.215.
5, Garry McCoy, Australia, Ducati, 35:12.406.
Race two:
1, McCoy, 35:10.023.
2, Vermeulen, 35:14.974.
3, Chili, 35:16.462.
4, Marco Borciani, Italy, Ducati, 35:18.852.
5, Troy Corser, Australia, Petronas, 35:21.847.
Overall standings:
1, Toseland 61 points.
2, Chili 56.
3, McCoy and Vermeulen, 55 each.
5, Haga 43
Your meagre 70mph winds are nothing mate...we got a foot of snow last week, spent 2 hrs clearing the driveway...god i hate snow, so why do i live in Canada i wonder!!
Thanks for the report Andy
Work on the D road continues (for two years). The canal is now passing through a temporary tunnel while work commences above it.
They also dug up some of the piling which held the bank back on the Newcastle arm of the Trent and Mersy. I don't care if you're not interested, I am!
Dear Editor,
You made a comment in this weeks edition that nothing has happened to any readers. I would like to point out that whilst CLEANING the lounge with the TV switched on (in the background you understand), on Saturday morning, I noticed a mutual aquaintance being splatted with gunge (tomatoes, custard, etc.) whilst dressed in a suit and looking/acting as if nothing was happening out of the ordinary. Now I understand that having children can cause some splashing of food (I don't mean at the birth!), but not on this scale, and NOT in public. It's a disgrace to think that fellow readers of this esteemed publication are letting the side down.
What is the world coming to? The next thing you know England will win a Test Series in the Windies!!!! Or even, win the 6 Nations with a freak 50-0 win over the Frogs.Unfortunately not!
Yours, with no food stains,
Angry of Sugnall......(Hee hee, they'll never guess who this is from that!)
You're right Rich, they'll never guess it was you.
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