The Wolstanton Weekly World Wide Website
The Wolstanton Weekly World Wide Website is best viewed 800X600 using your eyes.
WARNING! Occasionally items are not entirely true.
Posted 15/03/04.
www.bbc.co.uk/cbbc/dickndom/ Truly awful! Is this what we pay the licence fee for?
The Dick and Dom show must be bad when my eight year old daughter lost interest as soon as Rob and Paul had finished.
A truly dreadful program indeed. Rob-as-seen-on-TV-Handley and Paul-as-seen-on-the-BBC-Maddock both appeared in da house spoof rock band. Paul was the only member of the band who didn't need a wig for the 70's Spoof Rock band appearance.
Terrorists Attack Spain:
Coordinated attacks kill 180 on the trains in Spain. B@st@rds! The Spanish Government would like it to be ETA and the Yanks can't wait to blame Al-Queda. No-one has claimed responsibility yet.
14/03/04 Al Queda say it's them. Don't you hate it when the Americans are right.
Several Charged With Murder:
Several men have been arrested and charged with the murder of Filthy Frank. Frank was the smelliest trader in Hartshill. Frank's shop will be remembered as the only place you could get out of date chocolate, barter for cigarettes and get a dodgy cheque cashed. Let's hope the guilty have been found.
Rude-Jet-Ski Cleared:
Greg Rude-jet-ski was cleared of taking performance enhancing drugs. Wolstanton Weekly would like to restore Greg to full British status with immediate effect now we know he's not a cheat.
Mrs. Pointon's RTA update:
Can you believe it? The idiot who crashed into the back of Mrs. Pointon is disputing liability. Not satisfied with writing my car off, he wants me to pay for his as well. We'll see about that!
07/03/04 Signing of interim agreement leading to an Iraqi government should bring an escalation in violence.
Jack and his friends were playing golf one Saturday. As they are getting ready to tee off, a guy walks up and asks if he can join them. The friends look at each other, look at the guy and say, 'Sure.' About two holes into the game, the friends get curious about what the guy does for a living. So they ask him. The stranger tells them he's a hitman. They all laugh. The guy says, 'No really, I am a hitman. My gun is in my golf bag. I carry it everywhere. You can take a look at it if you like.' So Jack decides to check it out. He opens the bag and, sure enough, there is a rifle with a huge scope attached. Jack gets all excited and says, 'WOW! I bet I can see my house through here! May I look?' The hit man replies, 'Sure.' So Jack looks and says, 'YEAH! You can see my house! I can even see through the windows into my bedroom. There's my wife. Wait, there's my next door neighbor! And he's naked too!' This really upsets Jack so he asks how much it would be for a hit. The hitman replies, 'I get $1000 every time I pull the trigger.' Jack responds, '$1000? Well, OK, I want two hits. I want you to shoot my wife right in the mouth. She's always nagging at me and I can't stand it. Second, I want you to shoot my neighbor in the penis, just for screwing around with my wife.' The hit man agrees, gears up and looks through the scope. He's looking for about five minutes until finally Jack starts to get really impatient and asks, 'What are you waiting for? The hitman replies, 'Relax..... I'm about to save you a thousand bucks!'
Band:
Would you believe it? Nothing happened again!
Band2:
In the absence of band activity, Angrystars are getting together to see if they can still do it. For those who don't know - Angrystars wrote and performed some cracking songs in the late eighties and early nineties.
Gig Review:
Steve Howe's Remedy, Bridgewater Hall, Manchester.
Brilliant!
Three Howes for the price of one. His lads were playing drums and keyboards.
"Parking Places"
Footy:
Mid-week special:
Porto knocked Man United out of the Champion's league with a goal in the 90th minute. For once luck failed to deliver a result for United. Even the extra minute the Ref allowed at the end of extra time didn't do the trick.
13/03/04
Reading 0 - 0 Stoke City
Wigan Athletic 2 - 3 Crewe
Port Vale 1 - 1 Brighton
Blue Bibs 5-5 Pink Bibs
Blue Bibs 5-3 No Bibs
And finally from the Premiership, Man City 4-1 Man Utd. United title hopes are just about dashed. They have had a bad week haven't they?
Spring is just around the corner. Dum-de-dum-de-dum.
Travelling is always a bad idea unless you like that sort of thing.
Silence.
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